Chronometer review; Shenzhenshi yulinling dianzishangwu youxiangongsi

The name Shenzhenshi yulinling dianzishangwu youxiangongsi may not be familiar to aficionados of the usual watches featured in car magazines but, as surely its second hand sweeps only ever-so-slightly erratically around the exquisite 44ish mm face of this remarkable masterpiece, it has earned its place here on the humble pages of MotorPunk and on the proud wrist of the author.

The startling blue dial of this exquisite timepiece is surely inspired by the blue seas of the Orient, where it was crafted, or perhaps that ultraviolet lighting NCP use in their carpark stairwells to deter junkies. Gazing into its azure face, it becomes apparent that, yes, the dials of the chronometer and tachymeter are simply painted on and are non-functional, a delightfully playful touch from the designer who, sadly, remains uncredited for their work. All but one of the crowns are either stuck or not connected to anything and there are, supposedly, 68 movements, but the back is glued shut and I suspect there are more movements in a ward for the constipated. Still, one cherishes the weight on the wrist and admiring glances from others on the bus, and it passes time with a regular tick-tick-tiiiick-tiktiktik, tk, tick, tktk. The beauty is in the detail; The bezel is not Titanium or Platinum but of a lightly chromed, unspecified lightweight material, and does not rotate at all, and when looking at the hands one simply cannot escape the most vivid thoughts of Jeremy Beadle.

The dial bears the logo ‘geneva’, although the packaging stated ‘Sloggi’ (a German manufacturer of Y-fronts), perhaps due to a mix up or summat. The craftsmen/women/children of Shenzhenshi yulinling dianzishangwu youxiangongsi factory can be forgiven for this piddling oversight, because the cost of this exquisite timepiece is but a fraction of the Maitres Du Temps Chapter One Round Transparence or Audemars Pigeur Royal Oak Grande Complication, usually favoured by the author. No, there is no Toubillion and, yes, the ‘leather’ strap comes probably from an animal described by the WWF as ‘endangered’, but keen Horologists recognise the challenges of creating such a masterpiece not in a Swiss laboratory, but round the back of 227hao hongyidasha Bdong 706shi, Shenzhen, The People’s Republic of China.

Precision and durability are, I’m quite sure, crucial to MotorPunk readers, and I’m pleased to report that the timekeeping of this exquisite timepiece is as tenacious as this magazines ad sales department trying to get someone at Shenzhenshi yulinling dianzishangwu youxiangongsi to answer the phone. Indeed, despite only having owned this watch long enough for a small but persistent rash to appear on my wrist, I am already quite sure that I shall pass it down to future generations of Duisberg who will recognise it as not merely a watch, but a priceless heirloom.

The price of this priceless heirloom was £0.01 from Amazon, plus £2.99 for postage. A small price to pay for such exquisitivity.

PS – Hate watch adverts in car mags? So do we. Subscribe to MotorPunk magazine, in print, here; http://www.performancepublishing.co.uk/latest-issue-mp.html

Update – 23rd May 2020, it has stopped working. I’ve have started following Watch W*nkers of the Web on Twitter.