Unless you’ve had an invitation from Lord March to participate in the action on track there’s little point in subjecting your classic car to Goodwood’s traffic. You’ll sit stressing over the temperature gauge, wish you had some air-con in the September heat and (above all) the chances are you’ll be parked so far away from the place that no-one will appreciate the effort your mechanic made prepping your car anyway. For advice on what to wear at the Goodwood Revival, read this, but for eight alternative ways to arrive in style, read on;

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JetPack. We love a bit of innovative engineering and nothing comes close to this, the jetpack. The kit pictured actually worked, it is Bell Aerospace’s simulated lunar flying vehicle, designed to help astronauts train for weightlessness in 1966. Perfect for dropping in at the Revival. These don’t appear on EBay so you might have to DIY; Get yourself some propane gas cylinders, a pair of converse, a white jumpsuit and some shades. Oh, and a helmet. You’ll definitely need a helmet.

Tiger Moth. C’mon, apply some man maths. Arriving by the coolest of all vintage aircraft, the same machine that Spitfire pilots trained in, can be cost-effective. There’s the saving in petrol, time saved queuing on the roads, time saving walking into the circuit and, er, other savings. You don’t have to fly the thing, someone like Will at BlueEye Aviation will do stick and flaps. The money saved can be spent on a silk scarf and a pistol for taking pot-shots at Fokkers.

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Bath chair. These ancient three-wheeled wood and wicker contraptions (you at the back! No Morgan jokes!) were designed to wheel the elderly and infirm about in Victorian times. At the Revival they’d provide the perfect transport for the idle, lazy and plain over-refreshed. Find a Lou to your Andy and have someone push you round or, like here, strap yourself to an ass.

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Hovercraft. How about a hovercraft, then? You won’t need anything too big, something like this home-built contraption from the pages of a 1960 issue of Popular Mechanics will do nicely, for example. Not only stylish but fun too, Hovercraft are capable of the most entertaining skids/crashes, but the principle advantage of a model like this is that it enables the Driver (Rider? Pilot?) to keep his brogues out of the mud.

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Sedan Chair. These fell out of use in Blighty in the early 19th century but were still found in the darker corners of the empire a century later, perhaps overlapping with the time-frame the Revival favours. Perhaps. In any case I’m pretty certain you’d not be refused entry when arriving by sedan chair, particularly if (like the colonial champions pictured) you accessorized your safari suit with a loaded Lee Enfield.

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DUKW. Not quite sure how to pronounce this. Duck-wuh? Duke-double-yew? Otherwise known as a duck, this WW2 era amphibious transport looks the part and is great for avoiding the A27. Or any other road. Approach Chichester from the English channel, up the Lavant river and confuse the dickens out of the car parking chaps at the Revival by emerging from the fields, tossing them the keys and instructing them to “moor that for me, please”.

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Motorcycle chariot. Sure, there will be motorbicyclists aplenty at the Revival already, and it’s wonderful that these greasy oiks can happily mix with normal people, but what is needed for maximum motorbike pizzazz is something a bit more chariotty. In 1938 the German army built, for god-only-knows what reason, an amount of motorcycle chariots. Great for making an entrance, although tricky to ride. Steering, braking and throttle control will be the least of your worries if you get your toga caught in the spokes.

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Drinks bike. We whole hardheartedly condemn anything that would, in any way, condone drink driving. Drink biking, on the other hand, is perhaps one of the most thrilling activities in the whole world. This model combines point-to-point period transport, a portable store of your favourite grape and hop based liquids, glasses and a primitive bar. The only thing the drinks bike lacks is a pork-pie pannier.

Pictures from here, here, here, here, here, here and there. Buy your Goodwood Revival tickets online here. How to prepare for the Revival advice is here, and ideas for outfits can be found here. See you there, MotorPunks!

 

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