Little brightens a dull day in the office more than a laugh at disc jockey Timothy Westwood. Ending today on EBay is his GMC Yukon christened Rapbox and we can barely type for laughing here…

Timothy must bloody love America. He has stuck stars and stripes on the front valence, wing mirrors, rear door and door handles. Inside is a grubby mess. The dashboard is a bit smashed. The aircon doesn’t work. The extra seats and speakers look like an abandoned GCSE design assignment. Why do kids stuff cars full of stereo? It’s usually because they live in a cardboard-walled semi with parents who can’t stand the sound of their music, so they ram their motor with speakers and sit in car parks listening to shout-music. It’s what sullen teenagers do. Timothy, as you may know, is 57 years old.

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The Rapbox’s exterior was decorated by a man with the brain of a Magpie; Lots of shiny plastic bits reminding us that this is a YUKON, has a V8 and the drivetrain is 4X4. The four wheel drive must be useful when Timothy visits the badlands of his birth – muddy Suffolk. The roof has those warty yellow lights usually seen on caravans, many extra reflectors and an extra pair of reversing lights, handy when reversing out of the gloom of Peterborough Cathedral car park, where Timothy’s Dad was once Bishop. The rims (pardon my use of ‘pimp my ride’ parlance) are ugly beyond words, huge and garish and yet still not huge and garish enough to fill the wheel arches of the thing.

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The advert shows Timothy in a ski jacket and flammable-looking trousers, sulking on the bonnet in a car park. This, apparently, is a selling point. The advert, originally written in comic-sans, naturally, is reproduced below. It’s rare we like to see ‘lol’ in an advert but here we feel it is appropriate. We’re tempted to bid for Westwood’s Rapbox and park outside McDonalds to cheer up those sullen kids by playing this cheery piece of chap-hop genius on it’s shonky stereo; Mr B the Gentleman Rhymer; “whatever happened to Timothy?” Westwood, one way or another, always makes us laugh.


 
 
Be quick and click here for the original advert and pictures. The description is below;

 

“GMC YUKON 5.3 V8 AUTOMATIC 4X4

THIS IS A GOOD SOLID SUV WITH MASSIVE SPEC.

THE CAR HAS HAD 2 U.K. OWNERS.

THE FIRST WAS NONE OTHER THAN RADIO 1 DJ AND PIMP MY RIDE FRONT MAN..

TIM WESTWOOD! WHOSE NAME IS ON THE LOG BOOK AS THE PREVIOUS KEEPER.

IT WOULD SEEM THAT TIM SPENT A SMALL FORTUNE ON THIS CAR IN PARTICULAR

THE SOUND SYSTEM WHICH INCLUDES, 5 AMPS, 8 SUB-WOOFERS, ALPINE 10 DISC CHANGER, ALPINE HEAD UNIT AND LOADS MORE, LOUD IS NOT THE WORD!

IT ALSO COMES WITH TIMS OLD PRIVATE PLATE RAP 30X

THE CAR DRIVES WELL AND EVERYTHING WORKS AS IT SHOULD, EXCEPT THE A/C, WHICH AS BEEN REMOVED FOR SOME REASON.

THE BODYWORK IS IN GREAT SHAPE, UNDERNEATH ALL THE STICK ON ADD ONS LOL. OBVIOUSLY THESE CAN ALL BE REMOVED IF THEY ARE NOT YOUR SORT OF THING.

THE CHASSIS AND DRIVE TRAIN HAVE ALL BEEN PAINTED WITH HAMMERITE SO NO RUST.

ALL IN ALL A GREAT 4X4 WITH A BIT OF INTERESTING HISTORY FOR SOMEONE TO ENJOY.

M.O.T. UNTIL DECEMBER 2015.

I AM LISTING THE VEHICLE ON A 99P START NO RESERVE.

I DONT HAVE A BUY IT NOW AND I WILL LET THE AUCTION RUN UNTIL THE END

THE WINNING BID IS THE PRICE YOU PAY, NO HAGGLING ON COLLECTION.”

 

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